the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
