You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
