i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
