It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize