Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
