I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
