It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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