if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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