I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
