Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
