Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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