im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
