Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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