hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
