There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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