508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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