lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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