Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
