watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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