Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
