i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
