Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
