I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She told me I should be a condom model.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
