I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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