Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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