she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
