Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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