Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just had sex on a roof
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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