Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize