i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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