The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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