True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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