I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
