At least make sure they are 18
Why
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
