Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
