Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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