How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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