I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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