So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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