I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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