Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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