i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
