Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was confusing and full of hummus
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize