we're chasing vodka with high fives
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
