No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize