Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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