He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
