so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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