i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
