Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I believe in your delicious
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
