yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
