I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
