I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
