When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
