someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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