did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
