mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
