why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
