Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
