I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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