you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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