I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
