don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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