im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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