Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
