Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
