There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
