ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
