Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize