dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
